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[To be fair, anyone but Reim's particular duke would probably have had him fired and left in a gutter for a stunt like sleepy tea, all things considered... The perks of working for a weirdo: the boldness is somehow appreciated.

Still, he chuckles, turning around to lean back against the gazebo railing (after he has brushed it off enough to be less dingy, of course).]

Now, that's unnecessary— I already don't have to listen to you. I could simply go elsewhere.

[Ha ha... but there is something nice about talking to someone who seems to prefer it when he says whatever comes to mind instead of politely deferring, so really, why would he have to serve Kaeya the sleepy tea? Not that other people here have demanded the polite deference from him, as such, but once you're overly polite to somebody once, they do expect it...

Anyway: take a chance on his tea, obviously.]

Well, don't think of me as some sort of serial tea-poisoner... I would do just terribly in an interrogation.

[No he would not, but never mind.]

[kaeya has handled many interrogations, in his time; kaeya is thus fairly certain that reim would be a tough nut to crack, hence kaeya's light laugh. with reim, maybe kaeya would have to forgo the usual tactics in favor of, like, ripping out the pages of his notebook one by one? leaving him handcuffed in a dirty, dusty room for a day. quelle horreur.]

We could easily put that to the test. How many secrets are you hiding...

[kaeya narrows his eyes, so serious—except just kidding, he's off duty Forever. it's more good-natured play-acting, just before he, too, joins reim in leaning against the railing. he doesn't care about whatever dust may or may not be there, but he does keep a few inches between them? they're close enough for, say, their arms to brush if they just barely lean to the side, and yet kaeya isn't infringing upon reim's personal space. he's being Respectful.]

But don't worry; I'll keep this one to myself. [and this is where kaeya should be offering up a secret of his own, but, naturally:] Though I am curious: did your duke discover what you did?

[he's stressin' that your, because you know he picked up on it.]

[He's tall because he's full of secrets, obviously. None of the actual secrets he happens to know mean a thing in this wild neon world, so he simply shrugs; maybe, one day, Kaeya will learn some more totally unimportant secrets, just because! Until then.]

If he did, he didn't mention it... Deciding to do nothing to hint that he noticed at all in order to make me wonder about it is exactly the kind of man he is, unfortunately.

[It's incredibly stressful to be Reim, thanks for asking. For a moment he's way too distracted by Thoughts of Rufus Barma, Crazy Boss, but then, ah— Yes, perhaps context would help clarify things, here. So:]

I'm his personal valet, by the way.

[It clarifies nothing at all. Good one, Reim. He deserves a Kaeya secret for this, please play with him in this space, thanks.]

[everyone has secrets! some far more interesting than others, but if people want to share them, then who is kaeya to judge. he just wants to Know—while remaining a mystery himself, even though that a) isn't fair and b) probably isn't going to fly here and now. hmm.

but putting aside the fact that reim's boss sounds right up kaeya's alley—hey, time to once again turn to study reim, bringing a hand to his chin in the process. like he's connecting the dots here, or something.]

Oh? It suits an... organized person such as yourself.

[the list-making. that nerdy, fussy aura.]

Is this where I share something about myself? I'm afraid that I'm not as interesting as some think. [that's a gd lie, but don't worry about it; just let him lean closer, arm bumping reim's as he says, with all the gravitas of a grand secret:] But I did take an important book from the library, once—without checking with the librarian. She's been after the thief for some time.

[he's such a rogue! lock him up! this also may or may not be true, but shh.]

Edited (there? this? jesus) 2021-04-12 21:34 (UTC)

[Does it... Is there a connection between being a valet and being like Reim, he must wonder... Given every other servant he's ever met, he feels like the outlier, but thanks, Kaeya. He will be taking that as a compliment.

In any case, wow, this poor woman? Talk about an actual criminal.]

I can only imagine the stomachache she's had this whole time...

[Is that a weirdly specific ailment to pick? Is it because he's speaking from experience? Yes, his stress stomachaches are constant and killer, he really does Empathize with this possibly-fictional librarian's struggle.

Then, as he looks at Kaeya, frowning slightly as if to indicate that the answer to this question will have Serious Far-Reaching Consequences, he asks:]

What was the book about?

[oh, the librarian is real, and she is both Terrifying... and a good friend. it be like that. how it also be: kaeya easily coming up with a plausible answer, because even if this is all a lie, you're never going to catch him in it.]

An old Grand Master of our order. A hero, who fought against the remnants of a fallen kingdom... and lost everything along the way.

[that, at least, is #factual—and is amusing to kaeya on some deep level, but maybe that will come out one day in the far, far future. for now, with a laugh:]

Not the happiest ending, but I found it quite moving.

[Oh, a dweeb book. For dorks. Reim supposes that's not a generous assumption, considering Kaeya is a Real Knight (as far as he's aware), but everyone he knows who reads Knight Books is, well, a dorky little teenager. What a cute book to callously steal from the library, Kaeya!!]

I suppose you would. Perhaps one day you can tell me the whole story.

[Or any other fun things of real substance, but he'll settle for a knight story about another knight entirely. Even with a sad-but-moving ending, which he quietly files away for Reference.

...... anyway, because he cannot let this horribly wronged librarian go without a defense,] You really should be more considerate about library books, however.

[the story has more to do with that fallen kingdom than anything else! a connection to a fun kaeya fact™ that no one but kaeya would pick up on, because this is how he entertains himself, at times—but details, details. maybe he'll give reim the highlights when reim inevitably catches a cold; for now—ah, more laughter. genuine, though, because oh, to be perfectly honest—]

You two would get along. [she would also eat him for breakfast, but u know. enjoy this light, friendly tap of kaeya's elbow.] And how would you punish those who break the library rules? The librarian herself is known for her... electrifying approach.

[she sure does zap people without remorse—and she sure has zapped kaeya, so. pwease no zappy.]

I'm not a librarian, [he feels that should also be clarified?? He does office work, sir, and sometimes he organizes stuffed birds.] That said, I would... forbid you from entering the library, I suppose.

[Like, maybe he'd hire a bouncer, who knows. He certainly would not do whatever Kaeya is implying this librarian friend of his does, if only because 1) what the fuck, and 2) he simply cannot. Sad. 😔]

A sign could be hung behind a counter somewhere...

[Like they do for unwelcome rowdy drunks at taverns, specifically. Do Not Serve This Clown.]

[reim could definitely be a librarian, and if i didn't suggest that he work at the embassy i would be telling you to stick in him the local library asap! damn! the vibe of it. but anyway: like a sign is going to stop anyone. there's a whole-ass knight guarding the library in kaeya's world, and shit still goes wild... time for kaeya to shake his head...]

So uncreative! I must admit, I'm disappointed. [only a little.] If someone was causing trouble, you could always invite them to... discuss it over tea?

[it's never going to die! it's not! reim is a criminal!]

[Maybe he'll get two! jobs! Bring him a bag lunch on his busy days, thanks in advance. Anyway, rude... Calling him uncreative is rude, not the tea thing. That was deserved and he stands by it.]

Is it so hard for people to behave in a library...?

[What kind of ruffians do you spend time with, Kaeya. This was just about stealing books a minute ago.]

Perhaps I shouldn't tell you my strategies, as you already know about the tea method.

[no one in mondstadt respects the sanctity of the library, apparently. it's a whole thing! please pour one out for lisa, the unknown librarian, at your earliest convenience—and also don't be like this, sir, because now kaeya has to lean in yet again. hey, hi, look at him and his big blue eye. methods... what else can reim the valet do... does he know how to lasso someone with a few ties tied together...]

Oh, but now I'm curious.

[they're just two mildly tipsy men in a gazebo, so crack that joke that kaeya is sure is coming...]

[Sir... put that eye away. Reim gives him his nth Look of the evening, like, what scandalous methods is he expecting, honestly-!! Reim is not a criminal all the time, let him rest.]

Oh, are you? Wait and see.

[There are! no! methods! He could install a baby gate, would that keep the rabble out? Maybe!!]

... Usually, when someone I'm responsible for is irresponsible with their work, a clear and direct reminder does the trick. [he has a Threatening Aura in peak nerd mode......] But if you were so eager to get your hands on these imaginary library books, I would simply put you to work.

[maybe kaeya is hoping to sense that Threatening Aura right here, right now. sometimes being irritating does pay off—according to kaeya's weird standards, but it just Be like that. he just Be like that. he is, honestly, having fun...

...but work? ugh. this is a purely hypothetical scenario, and yet:]

That would make more work for you, I'm afraid. You haven't seen the state of my desk. [because he's never at it, but cleaning, organizing—both things he assumes librarian reim would make him do, and thus both things he will miss. time to Shrug.] My talents lie elsewhere.

[somewhere far, far away. don't worry about them. but hey, also:]

And yours? What skills are required to be a personal valet?

[other than the ones already covered. tf can you do, noodle! other than making lists and painting ah-mazing portraits.]

[Librarian Reim would make him shelve books and also not give him any attention at all while doing it, so there. But alright, yes: the desk comment does make him visibly grimace, as he immediately remembers other horrific desks he's seen in his time... He doesn't deserve this.

Point grudgingly awarded to Kaeya, whose unseen desk is disgusting. Ugh, it probably has unsorted papers on it. Filth.]

Whatever is asked of me, I suppose. [it's been like 18 years bud he's done it all] Besides laundry, cooking, and cleaning, which are duties handled by other house staff. In a sense, you could call me the estate manager, although not in an official capacity...

[He does whatever dadboss says needs doing... the end!! It isn't that he's attempting to be vague, it's just— somehow, talking about skills required to be Duke Barma's personal valet is like talking about having hands? It's just what he does! Most people don't need to ask, so, hm, what would be interesting to a little punk who likes bad paintings and dry comments about tavern kitsch—]

I do have one parlor trick, of sorts, if you would like to see it.

[He already knows, but like, ask nicely.]

[no attention? would reim want to kill him??? 🥺 but that very sad fact aside: damn, being a valet sounds—well, okay, so kaeya does know what it entails, more or less; he was adopted into a wealthy household at a relatively young age, so an estate manager? got it. that means reim is, like, a mix of elzer and ernest and quiet possibly adelinde, and kaeya knows how much they do on a daily basis...

...connections™.

and also memories™, but that is neither here nor there? it just makes it that much easier to shove this all to the side when a parlor trick is mentioned, because that could be any number of things—and kaeya has to know, so. no, he won't lean back in; that would be gauche, but he does cant his head to the side, hoping that a repeat performance of the big blue eye strat will, in fact, help.]

How could I not? You make it sound so interesting. [by saying nothing about it at all. but hmm, does he have to... he's getting the vibe that he should, so:] Please?

[Truly the only reason Reim isn't a ghost haunting his own office from having two ridiculously busy jobs under the same stupid boss is that the Barma household is just one old guy being as dramatic as possible.

But yes, yes, Kaeya and his big blue eye are very pretty, he gets it!! He will do the parlor trick and only be quietly smug about Kaeya managing to say please. What a good boy, for sure... not a punk...]

Well, we'll see. Stay right there.

[There, because this parlor trick has a radius? And Reim doesn't need Kaeya being all Kaeya at him when he moves to stand more... in the middle-ish of the gazebo. He's still not going to explain a lick of this, if only because coming up with a sweet lie for the inevitable question of "but why do you have that thing" isn't what he wants to do right at the start, so on to the main event, or: bunny summoning.

Rather, a brief wind picks up inside the gazebo, which at least takes care of the rest of the leaves, and then the big bunny rabbit thing fades pleasantly into existence, hovering just behind Reim's shoulder. It's large. It looks very soft. It is wearing, inexplicably, a cape and a hat, and specifically a cape that maybe obscures whether or not it's a wholly bodied bunny underneath, but the point is: it's a large rabbit. Hare. It's large enough that it sort of bumps wholesale into Reim first, and he stumbles, very cool.

Behold it. Reim reaches up absently to put a hand on its big soft face, and at last, he will explain:]

So, as you can see, this is... ah... One moment.

[As it turns out, keeping a thing of this particular size present and tangible on his current amount of handholding energy is immediately impossible, because it's not long after this pause that the bunny just flickers and winks back into nothing. Reim holds up a finger, like please give him another moment, and then oh no there he goes, he's out, please don't let his face touch this filthy gazebo floor...]

[if it (re: the strat) ain't broke, don't fix it! but no worries; as reim makes his way to the center of the gazebo, kaeya makes no move to follow, being perfectly content to continue leaning against this railing while watching... whatever this trick turns out to be. the silence surrounding it makes it all the more mysterious...

and you know, when it happens, it remains mysterious? like, the wind at first is—well, kaeya knows plenty of people with anemo visions; he thinks, for a moment, that reim has a similar, god-granted ability of his own, but instead that bunny pops into existence. that very large bunny. wild. what is there to do, really, other than stare, his mouth hidden behind his hand as he watches reim first stumble (cute), then pet his summon (also cute), then—

—ah.

tipsy though kaeya may be, his reflexes are still on point; he darts forward just in time to catch reim's weight on his shoulder, preventing this fool from crumpling to the floor. damn! out like a light. kaeya wonders, briefly, how much manna reim just lost—and how long it will take for him to make it back up, but here's the thing: even noodles are heavy? and who knows how long reim will stay knocked out. it could be a matter of minutes; it could be far more, so...

...so. whenever reim swims back to consciousness, he will, in fact, find himself stretched out on the ground, but tucked more to the side of the gazebo? kaeya, you see, is sitting beside him, leaning back against one of the posts—and holding a curiously icy-to-the-touch hand to his forehead, because of course reim's head is resting atop kaeya's thigh. not, like, fully in his lap; reim is positioned perpendicular to kaeya, just to preserve some manner of dignity, and yet kaeya is still here to serve as a comfy pillow. it's honest work.

but as kaeya feels reim begin to stir, kaeya peeks down at him? smoothing his fingers back toward reim's hair in the process, because while reim may not have any hair to push back, kaeya isn't going to pull his hand away quite yet. enjoy the Coolness.]

Welcome back. [hmm, just in case this is all Too Much for a prim and proper someone—] Though I wouldn't suggest moving too quickly. For now.

[just stay still, bud. kaeya is clearly comfortable; like, he has his other leg hiked up, elbow resting atop his knee as he leans against his hand, so he's fine to sit for the foreseeable future.]

[And then Reim slept for a hundred years... No, it takes him only a handful of minutes to come to, and credit him this: he doesn't, like, jolt abruptly awake or anything particularly sudden. He is simply out cold and then he is not, squinting up at Kaeya's face for a moment before he shuts his eyes again with a vague sort of grumble and gingerly lifts a hand to rub at his face. It turns out using all of your alien rock magic at once is terrible, this grumble means, and he feels, hmm, just as terrible as "all the magic at once" might suggest.

Not, perhaps, as terrible as he could; if he had to put it to numbers, he's a fraction better now than he was in the moment before he passed out, and objectively he knows this is thanks to Kaeya, ah... doing this. Sitting with him, specifically touching him with remarkably cool fingers (and if his head didn't hurt, he would pursue that question, but forget it for now), not just dumping him on the floor in the first place... hmm.

Well, he isn't going anywhere, he supposes. Mortifying as it is to full on pass out like that, who is he to look a gift horse in the mouth... He can't even see the gift horse because some other punk who is definitely not the one kindly cradling his head like this took his glasses! How strange!]

Thank you, [he says eventually, and then as he moves his hand away to squint up at Kaeya again, which frankly does nothing at all for his vision, but look at him doing it,] Ask me again another time, when I'm better prepared...

[Bunny pride is on the line. Now then, if he doesn't think about lying on the grimy ground, this is... comfortable? He's passed out in worse places, he supposes, and since he is so very drained, it's perfectly understandable that he should simply... shut his eyes, and... just quietly recover.

Hmm. Yes. If this gazebo were at all popular with other parkgoers, he'd have already tried to shuffle home in his useless husk state, so this is a plus. Wild that he's learning so much more about Kaeya from passing out irresponsibly than he did in normal conversation? But he'll remember this.

After a moment, though, he does lift his hand again, palm up. One grievous wrong must be righted.]

Give me back my glasses.

[another time. that prompts a quiet chuckle, because yes, sure, of course he will ask again; he's far too nosy (and far too interested in this normal-but-not-normal person) not to, but his curiosity can wait? and this is, if nothing else, confirmation that there will be a next time, so, you know... kaeya stays winning...

but that chuckle aside, kaeya—shockingly enough!—remains quiet, merely pressing his fingers back to reim's forehead as reim closes his eyes. cool comfort—and a low-level manna transfer, to boot, because he can be thoughtful... when he wants to be. when someone he likes is involved. and truth be told, sitting here for a bit longer is far from the worst thing in the world; it gives his earlier drinks a chance to settle as he studies their surroundings—and, occasionally, glances down at reim's glasses-free face. not often enough to be creepy! just often enough to Appreciate.

that gayness aside, though—damn! don't make it sound like that.]

Now, now. I didn't steal them.

[he just clipped them to the of his shirt, as one does, you know? tucked an arm right into the bottom of his titty window. don't worry about it, reim; just let him pull his hand from that forehead and pluck them free—before dangling them right above that upturned palm.]

I was only keeping them safe. You almost broke them, you know.

[clumsy!]

[Sir, those are a precious commodity, thank you. They've already had to spend who knows how long - several real world minutes!! - tucked into a titty window, so please, let them return to safety. Maybe there won't be a next time if Reim is too blind to find it.

Or: he opens just one eye for this, to look at the blue blob that is Kaeya and slowly reach for his precious specs (the shinier, smaller blob). Please don't play keep away with his spare eyes, he needs those...]

Kaeya... [the first of Many exasperated Kaeyas, mark this moment,] Thank you again, now please; do you really want to stay out here all night?

[They are at a stupid gay impasse because of these glasses? Not that Reim is leaping to his feet to sprint home, or anything, but one can squint at blobs for only so long. Let him take these... let him blindly brush his fingers against Kaeya's hand in the process... it's just a consequence...]

[several real world minutes, indeed! these glasses are toasty. anyway: reim is free to say kaeya's name as often as he likes? that tone is Peak; that tone is not encouraging kaeya to be on his best behavior at any point in the future, but while he keeps the glasses at their current position for just a bit longer—okay, okay. he will, in fact, lower these glasses, and he will also savor that oh-so brief contact.]

Why not? I don't have anywhere to be. [just, you know. back in his apartment with the best portrait of all time, but after a thoughtful hum:] And I must say, I am enjoying my current company.

[hmm!]

[ah, so it's reverse chicken now, fascinating.

But thanks for the specs, he needs those, now he can see Kaeya's smug face in perfect clarity. That gives Reim a moment to give him - you guessed it - a Look, but in a half-hearted, almost sleepy kind of way. Running out of gem juice... really is rough! So shush, he's closing his eyes! Again! It's Kaeya's fault for saying so much gay stuff at him, damn.]

In that case, five more minutes- [he does indeed hold up five fingers for this, a whole five!! no more no less!!] -or else you will have to drag me back to the residential area...

[And his fancy duds, as well as his pride, can't take another hit like that. Let him rest. Five more minutes.]

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