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[Dragons... eaux. Reim gives him a look for that, curious— but in a distinctly tired way. Already, he is exhausted hearing about dragons, and he has heard only the word. Weird wonderland monsters truly were bad enough just to make eye contact with, he needs a month off before he can hear about dragons.

If anyone turns into a dragon in his presence here, they're on the shit list!! Anyway.]

Boisterous... well, it sounds like fun. [So obviously not his kind of fun, here on their way to drink. Suddenly, Reim wonders if this tavern is going to be Rowdy... oh no.] In moderation.

[Mentally, he circles "in moderation" a few times. Underlines it. Draws an arrow pointing to it. Please, take note... it's implied.]

You know, you strike me as more of the bard type than a knight.

[it's the tits]

[dragons!!! sometimes it do indeed be like that—but if reim is going to look Tired, then kaeya is going to take full advantage of it. truth be told, he doesn't want to explain mondstadt's history; that isn't his specialty, so: a laugh, instead? not mocking, no, but... oh, it's genuinely amused! and why shouldn't it be? both because mondstadt sounds like fun (true) and because dragons are pains (double true!).]

Do I? [hahaha.] I'm afraid I've never had an ear for music.

[most bards play, like, a harp; far be it from kaeya to play anything at all, but as he hums, pretending like he isn't too amused:]

Though when it comes to love poetry... [hmm!] I've heard I'm not too shabby. Should I write a poem just for you?

[he's half-joking, half-serious.]

[Yes yes, laugh it up. Reim has decided to think about Kaeya the Bard instead of these dragons, even if they are in another world, and Kaeya the Bard does merit a little chuckle. Thanks for appreciating his very good joke, which is definitely what Kaeya is laughing at, as well...]

Do you write enough love poems to have that kind of reputation? I'll pass.

[Ha ha... spare him. That's mostly a joke, just like this next bit is mostly serious, in a conversational kind of way:]

If you wrote me a song, on the other hand... It would only be fair after I painted you that portrait.

[Crap art for crap art!! It's the sentiment of it, because like, he doesn't not believe Kaeya is decent at poetry, but a Terrible Song just because he asked for one is a lot more... hmm! Well! Funny, yes, but also genuine, in its terrible art way.]

[how many love poems does kaeya write? answer: enough. or, well: enough to satisfy the masses, which may be a little, may be a lot. it depends! anyway: god, reim, you sure are asking for a lot. a song... has kaeya ever written a song in his life...

...no, and yet maybe that's what makes it special? just... the thought of writing anything for this particular person who doesn't know anything about him. wild.]

Is that what you want? [hmmMMM—] If it would make you happy...

[there may be someone he could ask for assistance??? someone he could ask for guidance. anyway, he'll file that away for later consideration; for now, as he tugs reim down this street—well! there's an innocuous-looking building tucked off to the side; kaeya tugs reim toward it, and after greeting the bored-looking hosting standing by some plain-looking podium...

...well. at least there is no wait to enter; the hostess leads them right to the bar, situated at the center of the restaurant (tm), and their surroundings are—it's no cheesecake factory? there are tchotchkes on the wall, sure, but they're of the sports variety; there are mittens, and bats, and who knows what else, framing such odds-and-ends as a carousel horse, which no one seems to have any problems with. who cares, you know? what does it matter. people do not come here for the decor; people come here for the absurdly cheap Specials, which the bartender serves up sans smile. take this cheap margarita and go...

so maybe they do! the margaritas/long island iced teas are cheap, as are the appetizers; maybe they order more than their fair share of each, simply to pass the time. it's not like their server cares! their server is too busy loitering by the bar to pay too close attention to them, so they are free to talk, to banter. to argue over who eats the last boneless wings, which are too drenched in sauce to be Crispy.

but eventually—well, you know! they can't loiter forever? that table is their server's livelihood, which is why kaeya leaves a decent tip‐because he pays for it all, of course he pays for it all—before leading reim outside. and this is where they should part ways? they've shared more than enough drinks; reim has every right to turn on his heel and leave kaeya standing in the (flickering) glow of the restaurant's sign, but—ah. what happens, instead, is that reim and kaeya find themselves lingering by the front door for no real reason whatsoever. kaeya should at least offer to escort reim home; that would be the gentlemanly thing to do, but as he lifts his chin, taking in the sight of reim looking back down at him...

...it's just interesting, is all. the way reim looks at him without taking a step toward him, or grabbing him; they're simply two equals exiting a mediocre establishment—after enjoying, like, far too many cheap drinks on kaeya's dime, so:]

Interesting, didn't you think?

[all of it! any of it. kaeya is practically radiating Pleased energy, because reim has made no attempt to leave him in the dust.]

[Thanks, write him a good one, he'll look forward to it. Or he won't, because while the idea that he would be impressed is true, the actual suggestion is just conversation; he will instead be pleasantly surprised, especially if the song is mechanically very bad...

Anyway, put a pin in it, etc. This new drinks place is somehow even more— incoherent? Is that a thing restaurants can be? It's more incoherent and confusing than the last one, which at least had some cohesion in its decor despite the questionable everything else about it. Reim spends an undue amount of time peering at the kitsch on the walls, complete with leaning in far too close and fumbling through taking a photo of that carousel horse once he's a few margs in. It's... lively! For sure!

A very lively outing, one which turns, then, into a quiet sort of suspension when they finally leave and stand there just outside. There's propriety in knowing when to end an outing with someone instead of stretching it out past the point of what was planned or what is necessarily polite, but Reim considers— and he thinks it's been a decent time, and a decent time doesn't merit a politely abrupt exit. Probably.

He considers this while scrolling through his not-very-good pictures of the carousel horse, before looking to Kaeya, and ah— hmm!]

It had... personality. [In a good way! He glances briefly away, down the street, then back again. Hmm!!] I'll concede that it was more enjoyable than the place I found, that first time...

[Anyway. Best not to stand here pretending time no longer passes outside of questionably bad restaurants, so:]

It's still warm for this time of night, so would you like to take a walk?

[i sure did write an applebee's essay last night, huh. the trauma runs deep. anyway: you know, were reim to end this outing here and now, it's not that kaeya would be bothered? reim staying for more than one (1) drink was a victory in and of itself; it gives kaeya hope that, just maybe, he can convince reim to come out with him again, because the nerd vibes are—well! charming, in a way. reim does make for (surprisingly?) good company.

and perhaps reim thinks the same about him, because—oh! an evening stroll. kaeya's smile remains in place, but as he follows reim's lead, his eye sliding to the side as he pretends to study the bit of Street behind the man before him, it does... soften. just a tad. he has no doubt that this walk will just be a nice, quiet Walk, and that's cute.]

I do have the time.

[don't they all. but as kaeya looks back up at him, canting his head:]

Alright, then. I accept. [hmm—] And I won't even ask for you to hold my hand—though you didn't tell me the price of every drink you ordered.

[they were all cheap as hell, so this is clearly just Teasing. accept it, reim.]

[You did and it was very true to life. Next time they'll go to an On the Border where instead of bull skulls they hang bike seats with handles attached on the walls, a real thing I once saw. But for now: it is time for a quiet Walk, arguably the better bonding experience than being confused about kitsch in a noisy restaurant. The social aspect of drinking can go only so far...

And: wow, sir.]

Would you like me to? You can ask.

[About holding his hand or listing the drink prices? Both. Either. Who knows! He's not drunk, so of course he remembers what kind of tab he ran up, but he's got just enough alcohol in him to push right back about the PDA.

But! Let's head down this street; it's broadly back towards the government apartments, but not a straight shot; Reim would like to enjoy the experience of actually going for a walk but also not get super lost at 11pm in this neon city. It's a delicate balance, and mostly just means he diverts them down a path through the first park they pass on their way down the street.

Even here, everything is very... neon and lit up... lordy. It's still So Much.]

Somehow, I thought a park would be less... vibrant. [hmm!] Oh— look there.

[He nods in A Direction up ahead, and behold: it's a cute little tree grove at the end of this cute little path. There's a gazebo. He's saying look but he means let's go spend some quality time in a gazebo, actually.]

[sorry to say that their cheesecake factory date is now the stuff of legends? from reim running low on funds to reim's cheesecake list to—well, you know. reim is a funny guy, hence kaeya's laugh as he—you guessed it!—files that away for later reference. you can ask. hmm! maybe he will.

but for now—yes, yes, heading back down the street with no real destination in mind. it is kind of nice to just Wander while chatting about everything and nothing; it's, like, a refreshing change of pace from exploring sumarlok's shadier areas, so stumbling into this (admittedly gaudy) park? love it. finding a quiet little nook within it? really love it. another thing to file away for a rainy day, just Because...]

Shall we?

[of course they shall! of course they do. and it's just, you know, a simple gazebo, the leaves scattered about its floor letting them know that it isn't the most popular spot in the park. wild, really. kaeya nudges a small pile o' leaves with the toe of his boot, humming quietly as he checks out the far edge.]

It seems people prefer the brighter areas. [shocking. truly. but a beat, then, before he turns back toward reim, corners of his lips curling upward. trouble!] It's romantic here, don't you think? The perfect place to share... secrets.

[a secret rendezvous... ooh la la... or: he's just after a reaction.]

[Hm, this gazebo is dirty, they have to leave actually... Or: Reim is the only person to ever live who doesn't delight in stepping on leaves, and he delicately steps over a pile of them to join Kaeya.

Not without giving him a Look; of course there's a Look. But it's in good spirits! He's having a good evening, even if Kaeya is determined to Try It.]

Is that what you consider romantic?

[Idly, and not that Reim should be trusted when it comes to what counts as romantic, given his whole life is written down in his little notebook, but secret dirty gazebos aren't that sexy, Kaeya. There will be no secret trysts out here in this well-lit park, so instead:]

I once put a sleeping draught in my duke's afternoon tea so that I could have a few hours away from his endless onslaught of orders.

[Which he says very gravely, while looking straight ahead out into the trees, like this truly is the most criminal act a person could ever do. Behold him, Reim: criminal at large.

But when he looks down at Kaeya again, he drops the Serious Tone.]

There— a secret for you alone.

[a secret dirty gazebo is peak sexy, thanks. or: it's fun, flirting at reim? not because kaeya is uninterested, no, but because reim continues giving him those Looks before moving right along. kaeya likes those Looks. in his world, most of his free time is spent cavorting with criminals—and criminals always have something to prove. they did this; they did that; they are so strong, and so clever, and so eager to impress everyone around them.

but while this may be the second time they've spent time together, reim is, so far as kaeya can tell, just... unapologetically Reim. like, look at him now! telling this story with such a straight face—which kaeya studies in the dim (re: romantic!) light, smile turning that much more playful.]

For me alone, [he repeats, pretending as though he's oh-so awed.] Oh, I can imagine why you'd keep such a heavy secret to yourself. If we were back in Mondstadt, why, I might just have to take you in for questioning.

[haha! you bad, bad man, you! but anyway:]

So if you offer tea to me in the future, I should decline?

[To be fair, anyone but Reim's particular duke would probably have had him fired and left in a gutter for a stunt like sleepy tea, all things considered... The perks of working for a weirdo: the boldness is somehow appreciated.

Still, he chuckles, turning around to lean back against the gazebo railing (after he has brushed it off enough to be less dingy, of course).]

Now, that's unnecessary— I already don't have to listen to you. I could simply go elsewhere.

[Ha ha... but there is something nice about talking to someone who seems to prefer it when he says whatever comes to mind instead of politely deferring, so really, why would he have to serve Kaeya the sleepy tea? Not that other people here have demanded the polite deference from him, as such, but once you're overly polite to somebody once, they do expect it...

Anyway: take a chance on his tea, obviously.]

Well, don't think of me as some sort of serial tea-poisoner... I would do just terribly in an interrogation.

[No he would not, but never mind.]

[kaeya has handled many interrogations, in his time; kaeya is thus fairly certain that reim would be a tough nut to crack, hence kaeya's light laugh. with reim, maybe kaeya would have to forgo the usual tactics in favor of, like, ripping out the pages of his notebook one by one? leaving him handcuffed in a dirty, dusty room for a day. quelle horreur.]

We could easily put that to the test. How many secrets are you hiding...

[kaeya narrows his eyes, so serious—except just kidding, he's off duty Forever. it's more good-natured play-acting, just before he, too, joins reim in leaning against the railing. he doesn't care about whatever dust may or may not be there, but he does keep a few inches between them? they're close enough for, say, their arms to brush if they just barely lean to the side, and yet kaeya isn't infringing upon reim's personal space. he's being Respectful.]

But don't worry; I'll keep this one to myself. [and this is where kaeya should be offering up a secret of his own, but, naturally:] Though I am curious: did your duke discover what you did?

[he's stressin' that your, because you know he picked up on it.]

[He's tall because he's full of secrets, obviously. None of the actual secrets he happens to know mean a thing in this wild neon world, so he simply shrugs; maybe, one day, Kaeya will learn some more totally unimportant secrets, just because! Until then.]

If he did, he didn't mention it... Deciding to do nothing to hint that he noticed at all in order to make me wonder about it is exactly the kind of man he is, unfortunately.

[It's incredibly stressful to be Reim, thanks for asking. For a moment he's way too distracted by Thoughts of Rufus Barma, Crazy Boss, but then, ah— Yes, perhaps context would help clarify things, here. So:]

I'm his personal valet, by the way.

[It clarifies nothing at all. Good one, Reim. He deserves a Kaeya secret for this, please play with him in this space, thanks.]

[everyone has secrets! some far more interesting than others, but if people want to share them, then who is kaeya to judge. he just wants to Know—while remaining a mystery himself, even though that a) isn't fair and b) probably isn't going to fly here and now. hmm.

but putting aside the fact that reim's boss sounds right up kaeya's alley—hey, time to once again turn to study reim, bringing a hand to his chin in the process. like he's connecting the dots here, or something.]

Oh? It suits an... organized person such as yourself.

[the list-making. that nerdy, fussy aura.]

Is this where I share something about myself? I'm afraid that I'm not as interesting as some think. [that's a gd lie, but don't worry about it; just let him lean closer, arm bumping reim's as he says, with all the gravitas of a grand secret:] But I did take an important book from the library, once—without checking with the librarian. She's been after the thief for some time.

[he's such a rogue! lock him up! this also may or may not be true, but shh.]

Edited (there? this? jesus) 2021-04-12 21:34 (UTC)

[Does it... Is there a connection between being a valet and being like Reim, he must wonder... Given every other servant he's ever met, he feels like the outlier, but thanks, Kaeya. He will be taking that as a compliment.

In any case, wow, this poor woman? Talk about an actual criminal.]

I can only imagine the stomachache she's had this whole time...

[Is that a weirdly specific ailment to pick? Is it because he's speaking from experience? Yes, his stress stomachaches are constant and killer, he really does Empathize with this possibly-fictional librarian's struggle.

Then, as he looks at Kaeya, frowning slightly as if to indicate that the answer to this question will have Serious Far-Reaching Consequences, he asks:]

What was the book about?

[oh, the librarian is real, and she is both Terrifying... and a good friend. it be like that. how it also be: kaeya easily coming up with a plausible answer, because even if this is all a lie, you're never going to catch him in it.]

An old Grand Master of our order. A hero, who fought against the remnants of a fallen kingdom... and lost everything along the way.

[that, at least, is #factual—and is amusing to kaeya on some deep level, but maybe that will come out one day in the far, far future. for now, with a laugh:]

Not the happiest ending, but I found it quite moving.

[Oh, a dweeb book. For dorks. Reim supposes that's not a generous assumption, considering Kaeya is a Real Knight (as far as he's aware), but everyone he knows who reads Knight Books is, well, a dorky little teenager. What a cute book to callously steal from the library, Kaeya!!]

I suppose you would. Perhaps one day you can tell me the whole story.

[Or any other fun things of real substance, but he'll settle for a knight story about another knight entirely. Even with a sad-but-moving ending, which he quietly files away for Reference.

...... anyway, because he cannot let this horribly wronged librarian go without a defense,] You really should be more considerate about library books, however.

[the story has more to do with that fallen kingdom than anything else! a connection to a fun kaeya fact™ that no one but kaeya would pick up on, because this is how he entertains himself, at times—but details, details. maybe he'll give reim the highlights when reim inevitably catches a cold; for now—ah, more laughter. genuine, though, because oh, to be perfectly honest—]

You two would get along. [she would also eat him for breakfast, but u know. enjoy this light, friendly tap of kaeya's elbow.] And how would you punish those who break the library rules? The librarian herself is known for her... electrifying approach.

[she sure does zap people without remorse—and she sure has zapped kaeya, so. pwease no zappy.]

I'm not a librarian, [he feels that should also be clarified?? He does office work, sir, and sometimes he organizes stuffed birds.] That said, I would... forbid you from entering the library, I suppose.

[Like, maybe he'd hire a bouncer, who knows. He certainly would not do whatever Kaeya is implying this librarian friend of his does, if only because 1) what the fuck, and 2) he simply cannot. Sad. 😔]

A sign could be hung behind a counter somewhere...

[Like they do for unwelcome rowdy drunks at taverns, specifically. Do Not Serve This Clown.]

[reim could definitely be a librarian, and if i didn't suggest that he work at the embassy i would be telling you to stick in him the local library asap! damn! the vibe of it. but anyway: like a sign is going to stop anyone. there's a whole-ass knight guarding the library in kaeya's world, and shit still goes wild... time for kaeya to shake his head...]

So uncreative! I must admit, I'm disappointed. [only a little.] If someone was causing trouble, you could always invite them to... discuss it over tea?

[it's never going to die! it's not! reim is a criminal!]

[Maybe he'll get two! jobs! Bring him a bag lunch on his busy days, thanks in advance. Anyway, rude... Calling him uncreative is rude, not the tea thing. That was deserved and he stands by it.]

Is it so hard for people to behave in a library...?

[What kind of ruffians do you spend time with, Kaeya. This was just about stealing books a minute ago.]

Perhaps I shouldn't tell you my strategies, as you already know about the tea method.

[no one in mondstadt respects the sanctity of the library, apparently. it's a whole thing! please pour one out for lisa, the unknown librarian, at your earliest convenience—and also don't be like this, sir, because now kaeya has to lean in yet again. hey, hi, look at him and his big blue eye. methods... what else can reim the valet do... does he know how to lasso someone with a few ties tied together...]

Oh, but now I'm curious.

[they're just two mildly tipsy men in a gazebo, so crack that joke that kaeya is sure is coming...]

[Sir... put that eye away. Reim gives him his nth Look of the evening, like, what scandalous methods is he expecting, honestly-!! Reim is not a criminal all the time, let him rest.]

Oh, are you? Wait and see.

[There are! no! methods! He could install a baby gate, would that keep the rabble out? Maybe!!]

... Usually, when someone I'm responsible for is irresponsible with their work, a clear and direct reminder does the trick. [he has a Threatening Aura in peak nerd mode......] But if you were so eager to get your hands on these imaginary library books, I would simply put you to work.

[maybe kaeya is hoping to sense that Threatening Aura right here, right now. sometimes being irritating does pay off—according to kaeya's weird standards, but it just Be like that. he just Be like that. he is, honestly, having fun...

...but work? ugh. this is a purely hypothetical scenario, and yet:]

That would make more work for you, I'm afraid. You haven't seen the state of my desk. [because he's never at it, but cleaning, organizing—both things he assumes librarian reim would make him do, and thus both things he will miss. time to Shrug.] My talents lie elsewhere.

[somewhere far, far away. don't worry about them. but hey, also:]

And yours? What skills are required to be a personal valet?

[other than the ones already covered. tf can you do, noodle! other than making lists and painting ah-mazing portraits.]

[Librarian Reim would make him shelve books and also not give him any attention at all while doing it, so there. But alright, yes: the desk comment does make him visibly grimace, as he immediately remembers other horrific desks he's seen in his time... He doesn't deserve this.

Point grudgingly awarded to Kaeya, whose unseen desk is disgusting. Ugh, it probably has unsorted papers on it. Filth.]

Whatever is asked of me, I suppose. [it's been like 18 years bud he's done it all] Besides laundry, cooking, and cleaning, which are duties handled by other house staff. In a sense, you could call me the estate manager, although not in an official capacity...

[He does whatever dadboss says needs doing... the end!! It isn't that he's attempting to be vague, it's just— somehow, talking about skills required to be Duke Barma's personal valet is like talking about having hands? It's just what he does! Most people don't need to ask, so, hm, what would be interesting to a little punk who likes bad paintings and dry comments about tavern kitsch—]

I do have one parlor trick, of sorts, if you would like to see it.

[He already knows, but like, ask nicely.]

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